fragments of thoughts

I definitely left work yesterday with a great perspective and list of goals and attainable accomplishments for today. I came in this morning a little tired, but, feeling good.
Now all morning, I have been struggling.. struggling hard to focus. AH!

Oh and I have had these lyrics in my head.
Beautiful song, just REALLY REALLY distracting.

No place I would rather be

No place I would rather be

Set a fire down in my soul,

that I can't contain.

That I can't control.

I want more of you God.

I want more of You God!!!!

Anyways.. I need to get back to my attempts at focusing. 

You are talented.
You are skilled.
You are capable.
You are successful, You have been successful and you will be successful.

Learn from your mistakes.
 But don't carry them around with you.
You have made mistakes, You will make mistakes.
But your mistakes DO NOT define you.

Take a deep breathe.
Pick up your head.
Take a step.

The first may be shaky, with each step the shakes will leave and confidence will return.
NEVER lose your confidence in who you are. And what Child you are in God.


Walk in a new boldness.

 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of Grace, that we may find mercy & Grace in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

On the drive home sunday night I was talking to my little brother.... cause riding in silence is awkward. The conversation was about life decisions. I was talking about options and things I would love to do in my life. 

My brother, being amazing, as he always is. Was blunt with me... which sadly is not uncommon for him to be blunt with me. He doesn't take my crap. I can sometimes get other people too go along with all my excuses. But not him. He cuts it and calls me on it and won't let me by with it. I gotta love him for it. 

His blunt advice was to be bold and just go for it. In my best whinny voice I harped that I didn't know how to be. That I was just shy and cautious. He gave me the "don't-give-me-that-crap" look and said "you know what your doing right now? Do the opposite. Just do it."

Today, was different. Life looks different. Better. All day I have had this feeling that I had this crazy good conversation with someone. I think I have narrowed it down to my dreams, but, it feels like I had an in-depth heart conversation with a person. However I know I haven't talked to anyone about that particular topic. It hit me this afternoon when I was reading Hebrews 4:16, "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of Grace, that we may find mercy & Grace in time of need." There is that word again, Bold.

I think it is time I take this opportunity to be bold.


So in honor of Ruppie, I am going to do the opposite of what I was doing.
Yeah, that makes perfect sense. :)

Random thoughts. :)

It has been over a week since I last posted.
It has been a crazy insane emotional/spiritual/busy time since I last posted.

I've gone from from having WAY to much time on my hands to debunking the concept of the Trinity (Yes, Father, Son and Holy Spirit) to cramming 40hrs worth of work into 3 days at the office and lastnight we  spent 4hrs, 'talking' about Pentecost and worshiping ABBA.
                            .... PHEW I feel good though...
It has been a huge growing time for me. I can feel the growing pains, my muscles getting stronger.

About a week ago I cam across this quote

"I know to much and I owe to much to let it rest"

The quote originated from Cee lo Green, at least that is where I found it. I know he is most likely not a believer. (If he is, I think I would geek out) However, those words have hung around with such weightiness and importance that I have to acknowledge 'em.

I really want to write a post based off that quote and go into deeper what it really is stirring up in me, maybe that will happen over the weekend. ..  but for now here is the gist.

Do you know Jesus? -- Yes.
Have you asked him into your life? -- Yes.
 ..... You know to much.

Have you screwed up? -- Royally, yes.
Do you believe he died on a cross to save your life? -- Yes.
 ........ You owe to much.

That is a crude breakdown, but the realization is that I know the name of Jesus. I was a HORRIBLE screw up. He died to save me. I owe him my life. If all of that is true, then how the heck can I get off thinking that its chill to go about my business day in and day out and not pulse with the account of what he has done for me.
How can I not tell people? How can I sit quietly in my own seat and act like my world has not just been flipped up sidedown.

I can't let it rest. I shouldn't let it rest.